Setting boundaries

My recent yoga practices have revolved around a very consistent theme these past few weeks.

Boundaries. 

Boundaries mean different things to different people. Setting a line that you can't cross socially, such as telling someone you don't know at a tram stop that they need to floss, no matter how many visible cavities you can spot from two metres away. Knowing when to tell a friend to stop unloading all their personal problems onto you, because you soak their pain up like a sponge without any hope of squeezing it out later. Just learning to say no. 

There are many other boundary situations in life that you could probably think of, ones that are more relevant to you. My own boundary story is this... knowing when to stop. The truth is, I don't think I have an off switch. When I decide to do something, I'll be damned if I don't go through with it, and don't you dare stand in my way. If it's challenging, even better! 

All sounds good, until you start physically hurting yourself because you simply don't acknowledge your edge. Or when you start losing every semblance of having a life and forget to look after yourself due to work, relationship, and friendship commitments. I mean, really... when your dentist asks you if you're allright, and that you need to start looking after yourself just based on the condition of mouth splint (I cracked mine in 6 months), you may have a problem. 

We have this practice at work of stating weekly commitments, 1-3 per week so that they are achievable. The belief is that stating your commitments make you more accountable. While pondering how I can incorporate more of a focus on setting up these boundaries in my life, I came up with three commitments: 

• Not working past 7pm (unless I really, really have to...) 
• Taking at least an hour every day to dedicate to hobbies (not including yoga) 
• Yoga for at least 30 minutes everyday 

These are my weekly commitments for the month of April and probably May. 

Before ending this post, I would like to take some time to spread some love for Fightmaster Yoga. I've been following the 90 day program to re-establish my yoga practice at home, and it's truly amazing. Lesley's free program is better than most of the paid yoga classes in my area, and it brought back so much love for the practice that I had lost when I left SomaChi Yoga. Please subscribe to her Youtube videos, or donate to her very worthy cause of bringing yoga to everyone and anyone.

Till next time spiritual warriors. 

Finding Myself (and maybe Nemo)

It has been a while.

I guess you could call a period of time just under 2 years a while. Time is subjective after all, and to be honest, it only felt like yesterday that I had written my last post.

Sometime between this distant yesterday and today, it has felt like so many things, and yet nothing, has eventuated. If I try very hard to remember, I can recall turbulent times when my body felt its worst, when I was physically and mentally exhausted. There were happy times too, and times when I began doubting every decision I had made in the last 2 years. Was it the right choice to give up music teaching, knowing that I am good at it? Was it prudent to begin a brand new career path in a completely different industry, unsure of my own capabilities?

I guess in the end it doesn't matter, because I am here right now. When I stopped writing, I stopped doing many things. Running, yoga... it was partly because I was busy, partly because I had injured myself from running yet again. Then, the excuses started to build, and once the habits were lost, I couldn't get them back. All the questions I had about myself wouldn't leave so I chose to abandon myself.

I'm not sure when I changed my mind, but it was a thing that just happened. When I was a little girl, I would throw up every single night. No reason... it happened without fail, every night, for a few months. Then, one day, I walked up to my mom and said "Mom, I'm not going to throw up anymore." And I didn't. Ah, the mysteries of the human spirit!

In the same mystic fashion, I suddenly decided that I was going to begin rebuilding other aspects of my life again. I had begun the career that I was gunning for, but other parts of my life were still derelict with neglect. At first, it was a pledge to begin playing in a community orchestra... to honour my original intentions of swapping careers, which I had told myself was so that I could play more. I think I surprised myself when I began pulling through with this promise... I am possibly the laziest violinist I know. Then, began the yoga.

I owe my restored passion for yoga to Gretchen Rubin's book on habits, Better Than Before. When I began reading the book, I began to yoga once more. I remembered how amazing it felt at the end, how serene life is when you bow down at the end. And so, I started an almost-daily habit - wiser, stiffer, and humbler than before.

I believe there is a transition period in everyone's life when you grow from being a young adult into the next phase of adulthood. I think that was what the past couple of years was for me, discovering my edges and most importantly, learning the art of letting go.

Till the next time fellow spiritual warriors, whenever that may be.

My life as a Type A Personality

I am your textbook Type A Personality.

I've always been rigidly organized - I make shopping lists, I love timetables, and my lifestyle is a fixed almost militaristic regime. Bedtime and bed-rising time is the same every day, I set alarms, a few in fact, just in case I sleep through the first alarm (this has yet to happen). I exercise almost always on the same days, at the same time, and I know exactly when I need to turn my stove on to start preparing my lunch so I can leave for work.

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I love packing my day full of activities from the moment I wake up till the moment I pass out in bed from sheer exhaustion. And I've even been told to "stop working"... in fact, during my teaching internship, my assessment was greatly penalized because I just wouldn't stop working through my lunch breaks and recess. I kid you not.

There are wonderful splendid things that come from being a Type A. You are always reliable, so everyone knows they can count on you. This can also be a double edged sword, because when everyone's dumping all their responsibilities on you, and you take it on because that's just your personality type, life can get quite stressful.

As a Type A, you will also strive hard to be good at everything that you do. I am innately very competitive, and I hate losing. In fact, I hate losing so much that I'd rather not participate if I know I'm going to lose. I've been trying to work around this, because life is so much better if it's not just about winning. My mind knows this, but every other part of me does not. That being said, wanting to be the best isn't always such a bad thing. You know you won't just be saying that you'll do your best, you know that it's really your best.

Also, you progress quickly in almost everything because you try so hard. Not to blow my own trumpet, but case in point, after I finished my Couch to 5K program, even while taking a month off in the middle, I can now complete 5km in 28 minutes, on flat terrain. Sure, it's not a great time, but I haven't been running for long, and I only run three times a week. The average runner who finishes the program completes the 5km route in about 34 minutes or so.

The massive downside of progressing quickly? Well, I'm very prone to injury. I'm impatient, and I lack the ability to self-regulate. It's as if I have no 'off' button once I begin. I have really wrecked my wrists from yoga through doing arm balances before I had built up enough strength to support them. I've also damaged my knee from running too far before my body was ready for it. Programs work really well for me to provide some kind of boundary to work within - yoga videos, and running apps are life savers... ok joint-savers :P

Also, the stress levels you experience as a Type A personality is off the charts. I am a massive stress ball, if it weren't for yoga and meditation, I think I'd look like I'm 50. Meditation is extremely difficult for me... training my mind to be still and to be mindful, and to physically sit and do nothing for 20 or so minutes is a major milestone in my life. It even took me awhile to learn how to relax while having baths, or while being at the spa.

There are loads of other little quirks/traits I have as a Type A. I do everything quickly...I used to be able to finish a whole plate of noodles in under 5 minutes, but have gradually learnt to slow it down. I drive fast, and hate when I'm caught behind someone slow. I rush my work, so I'm extremely efficient. But I'm also quick to anger and can get unreasonably touchy about things. Ahh... life in the fast lane :P

So, if you are a fellow Type A personality, here's my advice. Enjoy who you are, because you've achieved great things in life, and you have incredible personality traits that make you a great worker and a fantastic friend. But learn to pace yourself, actively let go when the time is right, and remember that life is not all about winning.

When you wake up feeling a little blergh

You know when you're about to hit that day... it begins when you repeatedly hit snooze on your alarm clock, interspersed with groans as you curse the arrival of daylight (and not because it makes you a sparkly vampire). It's the day that everything's gone wrong... your breakfast burns, you miss the bus and are late to work, nothing seems to go right. Everyone has these days, and so do I.

What then do we do when we're just feeling a little icky, dull and irritable?

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When I have such a day, I like to

do as little as possible. 

That's right... I schedule a little off day and reduce all the activities I've had planned. If I'm not having a good day, chances are I'm not going to enjoy my run, or that I won't feel like cooking, cleaning... and forcing myself will just make my day so much worse. Sometimes, it's better to let things be. You know what your body needs, and if it's a day off from routine, so be it!

do a little yoga or meditation or both. 

While I cut down on anything intense and heavy, some restorative yoga always helps to calm and centre me a little. Focussing on breath just helps me put everything else out of my mind, and when you're having a crappy day, there's nothing worse than having your mind burdened by everything that's gone wrong!

read/ look at something that makes me smile. 

Reddit /aww. Need I say more? Just have a quick browse and tell me is your day not better already?

brighten up the house. 

Open windows, blinds, make sure the sun is streaming into your home. Nothing feeds a bad mood more than bad lighting.


When I have such a day, I also try not to

take it out on others. 

So easy to do. I always take a few deep breaths if something's irking me, especially if I know I'm in a bit of a mood. Nothing makes me feel more guilty than snapping at an unfortunate friend/family member just because I'm having an off day.

sink too much into it. 

It's easy to indulge in the mood and get sucked into feeling sorry for yourself. I have on many occasions played Brand New and Tori Amos on my media player non-stop while browsing PostSecret to actively make me sadder! (I know, I'm an emo kid!)

What do you do when you have an 'off' day? 

The other side of your childhood favourites

I had a pretty typical childhood for a child of the 90s. I watched my share of Disney and more, and had the staple collection of Barbie dolls (sure, I didn't use them the conventional way... unless throwing them around the room at the ceiling fan was the conventional way...). Lately, there have been a few images making the usual social media rounds like this.

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Excuse me, I watched a ton of Disney, and I think I turned out just fine. Ok, not entirely fine :P but no better or worse than any other regular Josephine who hadn't watched Disney. I'm going to be honest, I never once thought to define any man that I'm with now with any Disney prince. 

Disney gave me so much more than just entertainment. Disney spurred on my musical interest, my love of art, and made my childhood dreams real (Who didn't want to meet a talking meerkat? Be honest :P). Disney taught me to not worry way before Bobby McFerrin ever did, to whistle while I work, and that bookworms are cool. 

I have noticed that children nowadays don't really watch Disney much anymore, and that makes me slightly sad. My favourite songs from my childhood days were Disney songs, and I could recite lines from favourite Disney movies from start to end, almost the same way as I do with Les Miserables now. A skill I picked up from watching Disney, no less :P So if you are ever looking for a career as a thespian...

Most of those "lessons" above are way beyond a child's imagination anyway... Political worth? What child even understands what that means? I see those images as adults reading way too much into a children's movie, and giving it adult values, that might potentially affect an adult watching Disney, just as I am reading too much into a silly little graphic meant for comedy. That said, if you were fully grown, and felt that you could be dead and still get some princely action as long as you were pretty, you may have some other kinds of issues that you may need to deal with more urgently. 

The person who did the Disney Princes' image obviously didn't watch the movies anyway, because the whole point of Aladdin was to show that lying didn't work. Pft, he obviously needed to watch more Disney :P 

Another image that caught my eye today... 

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I don't really like Barbie very much, I don't agree for what Barbie stands for and I didn't like Barbie at all as a child. I could never work out what to do with her... This artist's impression of Barbie without makeup though definitely made me pause and reflect. He chose to portray her with braces and wrinkles... I do think that this is beyond just Barbie without makeup, this is Barbie before cosmetic surgery, unless Barbie's got access to some miraculous wonder wrinkle-filler that all of us need to get our hands on! 

What do you think about these images? Did you grow up with Disney and Barbies? 

The Internet Detox: Update 1

You may have read that I attempted to take a break from the internet.

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The synopsis of that story: My computer breaks, gets sent for repair, and I decided hey, why not use this time to cut down on my online time? Then, I got my computer back, and that was when things started to get pretty hurdly! The first couple of weeks went well, I kept my computer off most of the time, and I went for runs, read, did some yoga, only browsed Facebook and reddit occasionally. 

It was going so well. 

And then, I have no idea how it happened... but what with researching uni courses, and then uni applications... and gaming... somehow, the computer just crept back into my life and ousted out my yoga and running. That has not happened since the end of uni, 3 years ago. I'd never stopped doing yoga before... it feels weird, even now, especially since I haven't gotten back into it. I have to admit, shamefully, that my computer dependence is now much greater than before. I've been introduced to DotA 2, I've discovered this terrible yet addictive online game called Wartune, and I recently discovered Duolingo which is a fantastic and free language learning site. It's also the only product I will link to because it is, at least, educational so getting addicted to it isn't so bad. :P

I suppose I realized I had hit a low when I purchased a jar of ready-made curry simmer sauce. I know, it's a really bizarre thing to trigger an epiphany, but I haven't eaten any processed foods in a very long while. I make all my own curries, soups, stews, etc when I'm not eating out. Why did I buy that jar of sauce? So I could have more computer time, why else! 

I can't believe this jar showed me just how far I had fallen.
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The disappearance of my yoga practice and fitness regime has changed a lot in my life. For starters, I have a lot of free time that I just don't know what to do with, which then gets spent on the computer (terrible neverending cycle that one...). I have lost weight... about 5kg. I am much weaker physically. My shoulders ache all the time, and I get constant headaches that simply won't go away. I wake up every morning vowing to do some yoga, but what I think will be ten minutes on Duolingo ends up being a few hours. 

I just have to ask myself... what happened? What went wrong? I've always been so disciplined in my fitness routines. How did I lose the plot when my intentions were all in the right place? 

I wanted my internet detox to be along the lines of Susan Maushart's The Winter of Our Disconnect. Instead, I seem to be on a road to Netaholics Anonymous. 

I'm not even sure what my next step is. Besides the obvious of trying to get my yoga and running back on again. I'm not even sure I know what I wanted to achieve with my internet detox... I think my original goal was just to cut down on dawdle time on the internet. 

So, there you have it. I wanted a hiatus but instead got a face full of internet. I've never really failed in anything before, this is a first. What a downer of a post, I guess it's possibly from the lack of yoga :P Hopefully, the next time I update, there will be better news. 

To tie the knot or not?

Just give me a second to get over my self-satisfaction of coming up with a title that featured two words that sound phonetically identical but are spelt differently.

I think that second went when I typed that elaborately long sentence!

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Back on topic. I just read an article on Marie Claire that said 55% of Australians do not want to get married.  The article questions if marriage is still relevant (in fact that is the title of the article, fancy that!). This is a topic close to my own heart because I recently had the following conversation with a family member (no points for guessing which family member it probably is).

Mystery Family Member: So, has The BF indicated his intentions to you?
Me: Whatever on earth do you mean?
MFM: Well, his plans for the future... settling down...
Me: I don't know, we've joked about it sometimes but that's about it...
MFM: How long have you guys been together?
Me: Two years and a bit... why?
MFM: You know, I read somewhere (dramatic pause)... that if the man hasn't proposed after one year, he will probably not propose ever... 

I was half tempted to send that article link to her when I read it, because I always get slightly miffed when someone just assumes that your life's greatest goal is to get hitched. Anyway, personal predicaments aside, I just thought this would be an interesting can of worms to open.

Couples are getting married much later into courtship. Some after 5 years, others 10 years even. Some couples, potentially most couples, may never ever meet a celebrant. The marriage scene has changed quite a bit though... culturally with increasing divorce rates marring the sanctity of marriage (only 33% in Australia in 2002 according to the ABS, but still pretty high), society tending towards more liberated religious views, and the fact that legally, you could have the same rights as a married couple just by living together for 6 months.

So, where is the incentive to get married then?

I'm not an Insitution of Marriage basher... I would like to get married. Some day. Definitely not right now when I'm trying to get my finances in check, and not just after 2 years. And call me crazy, but I still feel like I'm too young. I feel like I'm too young to start a family. Maybe in the next 5 years or so, but definitely not now. And aside from the encounter with MFM, I really haven't felt any pressure. Sure, some Facebook photos and updates have popped up about white dresses and little bubs, but for the most part, most of my friends remain unmarried.

What do you think? If you're happily married (and have been so for awhile), would you do it again?
This question just brings to mind a conversation my high school teacher had with her daughter while we were out for coffee. She said that if she could do it all over again, she would never get married. Anddd conversation at the table immediately got slightly awkward for the poor student at the table...

If you're single/in a domestic partnership, do you want to get married? Or is marriage something you're writing off the cards?

/edit Just read this post by Whitney, and it echoes everything I want to say.

Hiatus

Last week, my computer got sent for some repairs so I was computerless, and in a way, internetless for a week. I could access the internet from my phone but it was so much hassle I preferred not to.

Shall I just call that brief period a moment of self-discovery?

I've mentioned a few times that I have an internet addiction. You may have thought it was a joke, but I truly do have an internet addiction, I spend almost all my waking hours on the internet, doing God only knows what. I took that time off from the computer to be my time off the internet.

That was when I had an epiphany.

I've always complained about how hard it is to head offline. But really, it's as hard as hitting the off button on my computer.

So, for an indefinite amount of time, that's what I'll be doing. Pulling the plug.

I'm not going to quit cold turkey, or take myself offline from the world forever... I'm not some kind of crazy extremist :P I do like to keep in contact with friends and I still love to reddit. It's really the only thing that's stopping me from becoming a full-blown hermit.

As a result, this blog will be unattended for awhile... while I pick up more offline hobbies, and attend to them a little more. I have some HP Lovecraft that needs attention, and I'm only up to book 3 of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series and I would like to finish that in my lifetime. The series, I mean.

So, there. I guess this is goodbye for now.

Challenge: The Happiness Challenge! and the British Military Fitness challenge

What an apt challenge to take on in the New Year! It's not like I've been particularly mopey or depressed, but everyone could do with a little more happiness in their lives. Plus, a quick look at the Gaiam TV's connect2happiness challenge requirements for Day 1, and it seems that this touches on a lot of self-exploration such as "What makes you happy" type questions and on how you can bring these things into your life.

Screenshot from the email I received... I'd love to be Happy every day!

I will be keeping a diary with every day's challenge questions answered and explored, and will post up my final results after 30 days. Will you be taking the challenge with me?

A happy body is a happy mind. What better way to keep your body fit and happy than this challenge by Tribesports? It's apparently created by serving or ex British armed forces personnel :O so if you fancy yourself saving some Private Ryans, then check this challenge out. (Ok, Private Ryan wasn't British... I just couldn't think of any British military TV shows... besides the last season of the Black Adder)

Click for a larger image, or visit Tribesports

You will need the space to do it though, those 10m lunges won't be easy to do in your lounge, or that 20m sprint for that matter. It's a mini-boot camp, without the price of a boot camp :)

Well, I'm taking up both of those challenges. Let me know if you'll be doing it with me.

Getting some weight off my shoulders

When I was a not so little girl, I grew up thinking that I was fat. For most of my high school years, I was 160cm, and 53kg. That's a BMI of 20.7 people (nowadays, even BMIs are not an accurate depiction of health). Back in primary school though, we had to go for physicals every year, and on the back of our physical examination book was a little chart which told you what ideal weight you should be at. An adult female of 160cm should weigh 46kg, a number which has stuck in my mind for many, many years.

It's hard being the fatter kid in Asia. Shopping for clothes was never flattering... I always had to shop for Large and Extra Large sizes. At most boutiques, they would only ever have one or two sizes for clothing, and most would not fit me. This was in the 90s - I do believe, and hope, that times are different now.

Moving to Australia was probably one of the best things to happen for my self esteem. For one, I was a size 6, before vanity sizing was even around! I was also away from some people who would constantly remind me of how "large" I was. In college, when my depression hit hard, one of my few joys was that my weight had plummeted to 48kg, only 2kg from my ideal weight!

It's scary, but true. I was a product of a weight-obsessed society. It's the same society that led to this girl losing 8kg to become 38kg, because at 46kg, she too, felt like the fatter girl in Asia. (See, it's not just me!)

A few things have changed for me this year. I'm not sure if it's because I'm just too old to care about body image issues, or if I really am older, but wiser, or if it came about from reading Nia Shanks' post. I began building up my fitness this year, initially wanting to lose weight. I mean, I was 50kg... that's 4kg overweight in my mind! At the start, I did lose some weight, but then the weight piling began, and the kilos weren't coming off. The last time I weighed myself, I was 54kg.

But you know what? I really don't care. I have never felt stronger, faster, fitter, and I like the muscle definition that I have going. I may be heavier, but I am leaner. I can do amazing physical things, and most importantly, I feel great.

Want to know why you shouldn't just weigh yourself?

Read the whole article on Tribesports

That's right. The TL;DR of that article is that weight is just a number, it can't tell you how awesome you are.

Clothes size-wise... I'm now a size 8, because my shoulders and chest are too built to squeeze into a size 6.
And guess what? I'm actually pretty proud of that.

The year that's been and the year that will be

I can't believe it's so close to the end of 2012! It only seemed a few months ago that 2012 had begun. 

Random fact: As you age, the days fly by a lot faster because your memory compresses all the mundane activities that you do (eg. going to work, eating etc) so time seems to have flown by when you look back. So, if you want time to slow down, start doing some X-treme activities! :P 

I've felt that 2012 has been (mostly!) a good year for me. This year, I 

• ran my first 5km (and busted my knee and foot doing it... but oh well!) 
• returned to my yoga practice, and successfully can execute my headstands and crows again. I think I'm at the level I was at when I stopped because of injury. 
• stopped using foundation, which has done tremendously wonderful things for my skin. 
• home-make about 80-85% of my meals 
• started this blog! 
• had a financially sound year. I have money in my piggy bank, woohoo! 

Here are my 2013 resolutions. 

I will stop making injuries worse! 

I just can't help myself. I keep wanting to exercise through injury. It's like I see it as the Universe presenting me with a physical challenge, and I always rise at a challenge. I've had so many joint injuries (and they are never any fun)... what I've learnt since is that the Universe is presenting a challenge. The challenge is to take it easy, and back off for awhile. That's definitely something I'm not good at! 

I will cut down on sweets. 

Hard to keep, but I know they're not good for me. It's hard being a teacher, because all students give you are chocolates! 

I will majorly cut down on my online time. 

Ideally, this should be about 1-2 hours a day. No more. 1-2 hours a day sounds like a lot of time. But in comparison to what I'm spending now, it really is a mere nothing. I read The Winter of our Disconnect not too long ago and it really inspired me, I was all ready to pull the plug and everything. Then, practicalitiy sank in and I realized that I would go absolutely bonkers. I reckon it's as hard as quitting smoking... 

I will not intentionally go over the speed limit when driving. 

I'm one of those people who just have to drive at 5km/h above the limit. No really, I even keep my eye on the gauge to make sure it's exactly 5km/h, talk about OCD! I think this has a lot to do with my personality type, of trying to rush through life... so I'm literally putting the brakes on! 

I will cut down on alcohol. 

I've been quite good this second half of 2012. I'm not sure if that's been because there have been little opportunities to drink anyway! In the New Year though, I'm going to monitor how much I drink when I'm out. 

I will be more charitable. 

I haven't decided how I will do this yet. Maybe some volunteering, although I'm not sure if I have the time! But isn't that what everyone says? I already have charities that I regularly donate to... but I feel like I should be doing more than just giving money. 

I will be kinder to everyone.

Apparently, this year, there have been moments where I have been overly aggressive to certain people. Unintentionally and unawares. I would like to have the compassion and strength to give everyone in life the respect that they deserve. 

Those are my 2013 resolutions! Do any of those echo with you? What are your hopes and dreams for 2013 and how do you think your year has been so far? 

To all my readers, have a wonderful holiday, whichever wonderful occasion you are celebrating and a Happy New Year. 

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Keeping a mindful practice

Today was the first day in a long time that I was present in my yoga practice. It's ironic, because I'm doing more yoga now since the wrist injury, but I've never felt more disconnected from my practice. Stranger still is how oblivious I was to how disconnected I have been, until I read Erica Rodefer (the Spoiled Yogi)'s blog on what's really yoga (click to see her post on the Yoga Police). The summary of that post is that we shouldn't judge the "yoga" that someone practices, as long as it holds the meaning of yoga to them.

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The word "yoga" means to unite. It's the unity of the mental, physical and the spiritual realm. By delving into asanas without being present in the moment, I'm not uniting anything. Yet, all this while, I have been too distracted to even notice.

For some time this year, I think I lost my way with yoga a little. A little too much fixation on the asanas for sure, none of the other limbs of Yoga.

When I read Neil Pollack's post on public displays of yoga, it dawned upon me that I was indulging in a period of narcissism. These past few months, especially with my time and involvement on the Tribesports website, have been driven by vanity. Yoga isn't about that at all.

Today was the first day in many where I felt I could connect with myself again, like I could lay in savasana for eternity. I'm making this promise to myself to never take my practice for granted.

Moving onto a better you

I used to be, and occasionally still am, a person who holds onto the past and lets it define me. When I was 14, I entered a national piano competition, experienced stage fright for the first time in my life, and then decided that I hated public performances and never performed publicly on a piano ever since. Funny thing that, considering I performed on violin numerous times after. I even performed at the Hamer Hall.

I also had a friend that I held dear as a sister. When we were younger, we envisioned that we would do many things together, but when we hit our twenties, some issues arose in our friendship, and it fell apart. For the longest time, I held a lot of hate and resentment towards her, and myself. All this happened when I wasn't mentally well either, so I did not deal with it in a healthy way.

What happens when you no longer see eye to eye?
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Louise Hay points out very wisely in her bestseller, "You Can Heal Your Life" that the past doesn't care if it hurts you. Often, the people in the past aren't even aware of the pain they have caused. I think she's definitely hit the nail on the head... I think I am more responsible than my past is, at prolonging this pain.

It has been an ongoing process, but I used Louise's exercises to help deal with this and to let go.

Exercise: Dissolving Resentment 
One of her exercises involved visualizing the person who has caused you pain, and to think about all these amazing things happening to them, and to see them happy. And then to let that image fade, and to see you having all these amazing things happen, and that you leave, smiling and happy.

I did this. I imagined that she had all these amazing things happen in her life. I do sincerely want to wish her well. I took dissolving this resentment beyond these exercises, into my meditation and yoga practice. I am yet to reach that stage where I can visualize good things happening to me. I think I'm just too scared and/or believe that I'm undeserving of such things... but we all have hidden demons to work on.

Exercise: Forgiveness
I also worked on forgiving her and myself. This involved repeating a visualization of forgiving her and hearing her response, and then forgiving myself.

We all have chains that bind us. We have a choice of whether we would like to severe or keep these chains. There was a time when I would actively seek to maintain a bind or a grudge, but life is so much easier when we just choose to let go and focus on the present and what really matters.

For more activities like these and words of wisdom, you can check out Louise Hay's website here. I also strongly recommend subscribing to Abraham-Hicks daily quotes for inspiration.

I am also giving away Louise Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life. This giveaway closes next week, so don't miss out! 

5 years ago I...

(Source)

... thought I would be working as a Secondary School classroom music teacher a la Glee. Little did I know how glad I would be not to go down that path.

... only bought luxe beauty products. And high street designer clothes. Now, I love my Priceline steals and I shop at Jayjays.

... was depressed and suicidal. I never thought I'd ever be normal again, but I am.

... ate KFC and Maccas a few times a week. Now, I make breakfast, lunch and dinner.

... had only one interest - music. Now, I have so many hobbies and interests and dreams, it's so hard to keep up.

... was filled with hate. I think the years have mellowed me out.

... loved the Backstreet Boys. Now, I *secretly* love the Backstreet Boys. Shh..

... learnt how to date all the wrong guys. That only made me appreciate the right guy when he came along.

... hadn't yet discovered the joy of yoga.

... never thought I would be a semi-vegetarian slightly New Age hippie...


I think if 5-years-ago me had met today me, we would not be friends. I don't even think we'll like each other. :P

How has your life changed in 5 years?

Don't forget to enter my Giveaway

Review: Love, Peace and Stillness Meditation Retreat

I signed up to this Udemy course at half price as it was on special, and never regretted a moment of it. Created by Teagan Fea of the Bodhi Connection, these meditation exercises provide an easy, accessible introduction to meditation itself. And no, it does not cost $1500, unlike some other types of meditation courses.

Find this retreat here on Udemy 

What's great about this course?

The meditation audios can be downloaded to your computer as mp3s, which means they can be loaded onto a portable device, so you can meditate anywhere and anytime you desire! 

The content of the accompanying notes is great. I discovered that I have a blocked root chakra, and now am more mindful of this. These notes are concise, and full of good information. 

All of the audios last between 14-19 minutes, which means you do not have to sit for very long. Great for a meditation newbie! 

What's in the course? 

Without giving away too much, this course takes you through the basics of meditation, and then walks you through different types of meditation focuses, including chakra exploration, and connecting with the divine feminine and masculine. 

What could be better? 

Teagan speaks a little too slowly in the first few audios, which makes my mind wander sometimes, but the pace does pick up towards the end. A small thing really, and it helps me sharpen up my concentration skills.

All in all 

I really, really enjoyed this course. I've tried very hard to get into meditation and have had a difficult time, until I found this. It's not expensive, and you can listen to it as many times as you need. I still have much to improve on, so will be repeating this retreat a few more times. Every meditation session has made me feel calmer, clearer and more open. You should try it! 

Till Nov 23, Udemy is having a sale on ALL its courses. Use the redemption code BLACKFRIDAY. Savings drop 3% every day until Nov 23. 

Weight lifting... a man sport?

I can easily recall my first ever session with a Personal Trainer. It was my first year of uni, I was ready to make a new start, and was just about to realize my New Year's resolution by getting my first ever gym membership. That question though, still hung in the air.

"Are you really sure you don't want any weights in your fitness program?" his eyebrow raised in slight disbelief.

Let's see. I grew up in a Malaysian semi-rural town, where an adult female could easily (and quite normally) weigh below 40kg. I was raised in a family where Mum would tell me not to do pushups because it would "make my shoulders too broad". I grew up through the 90s, when waif-life Kate Moss was the pin-up girl for beauty everywhere, when it was the age of the supermodels, all delicate, reed-like, gentle ladies. I studied in an all-girls school, where being too physically strong gave you the lesbian label.

So, was I sure then? Hell yeah. 

Nearly eight years down the track, I still haven't really incorporated weight lifting/strength training into my routine. While I no longer aspire to be Kate Moss, I still had my reservations until I read Nia Shanks' enlightening blog post on Tribesports about women and strength training. And it really hit home... I've never really done it because I was simply too afraid that one day I would look like a man.

Like this. Only... some people wouldn't call Johnny Bravo a man... 

Maybe it was the circumstances of my upbringing. But, believe it or not, it wasn't too long ago that I said that Katee Sackhoff looked like a man (calm yourselves, BSG Starbuck groupies)... very recently though, I've come to the realization that there is no way in hell Katee looks remotely manly, in fact, if she looked like a man, I'd be more than happy to look like a man too.

If Katee Sackhoff looked like a man, she would be a very attractive, feminine man. 

What does looking like a man mean anyway? Broad shoulders, toned, built arms? These are all gender archetypes that we've assigned and given meaning to. Just like sports. There are "male" activities, and then there are "female" activities. Quick activity: Assign a gender to the following sports: Skateboarding, snowboarding, yoga, weight-lifting, football, skiing, figure skating, gymnastics. See my point?

There's hope yet though. Think about it, there was once a time when women didn't do pushups, unless of course you were Nancy Wake (the badass Australian female spy). Sooner or later, there will be more women lifting weights as well. Times are changing, after all.

Interested in testing the waters? Nia has created a strength building guide  to help with strength training.

Click here for the full guide

And, in case you were wondering if lifting heavy weights does make you look like Johnny Bravo, why not read Nia's blog post to see for yourself?

Me? I'm taking baby steps... starting with those pushups (sorry Mum!).

The Foundation Anonymous Report

In July, which is 4 months ago now (hooray math skills!), I decided to stop using foundation, after being a 9-year junkie.

Here is a recent photo of me now, still with no foundation - I'm only wearing some minimal eye makeup, and a tinted lip balm.

Yes you can even click on it for a larger image, because I know you want a close-up of my pores

Having my 4-month chip has taught me a lot of things.

1. My foundation was actually a few shades too light for my skin tone 
On the few occasions I decided to wear foundation (eg. to parties etc), I realized that I looked like I had a kabuki mask on. NOT a good look. It's weird how I never noticed this before.. I guess living in foundation, I  must have thought the kabuki mask was how my face naturally looked.

2. The difference between hormonal and environment caused pimples 
I can spot them now! I only get hormonal pimples now, and I know when I will get them. Recently, I trialled a few new beauty products and got different looking breakouts... they were more clustered, and were smaller.

3. All those little bumps on my skin were foundation caused 
I used to have tiny little bumps on my skin. They were not obvious, and always seemed to be there, so I just thought my skin was rough. They are now gone!

4. My face goes red when I drink alcohol 
This never used to happen. I guess the foundation masked it somewhat.

5. My face flushes/blushes easily 
When it's hot, my face goes bright pink. Also never used to happen.

6. I'm noticing more signs of aging now 
I guess I just never cared about signs of aging because I'd just slap some foundation on. I'm now noticing a difference in my skin texture... it's bugging me a little, but hey, we all have to grow old right?

7. I'm taking better care of my skin 
No foundation means the skin you wear is well... the skin you wear.

8. It was a huge self-journey
Part of the reason why I wore foundation everyday was self-esteem issues. Having to not wear it meant combatting these issues, and now, I'm quite comfortable going barefaced.


/end report

If you've already tried going foundation-free, I would love to read about your experience. And if not, would you?

CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAY

In the spirit of Christmas, I am hosting my first giveaway, which is Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life. This is an amazing book, full of positive affirmation activities. It helped me to get through some really tough times in life, and I can't think of anything better than to have it help someone else in their hour of need.

For reviews and testimonials about this amazing book, have a look at the Amazon site. This giveaway is currently only open to Australian residents, and closes 7 December. A winner will be drawn, and the winner will have 48 hours to contact me, after which a new winner will be drawn. Good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Are you getting yours?

Here's some food for thought. Tribesports recently ran a challenge, to do 30 minutes of exercise every day for a year! To help convince you that you do, in fact, have 30 minutes every day to spare, they've even included this nifty pie chart.

From Tribesports

Hmm... that looks like an unconvincingly exaggerated amount of free time...you might be thinking. Or maybe that was what I was thinking... so I decided to create my own pie chart to compare.

Numbers represent amount of time in hours. Work includes commute time.

Sure, my pie chart isn't as fancy as theirs, but I was still utterly stunned by how exact the size of the Free time slice is in similarity. I'm also stunned (and slightly embarrassed) at how much free time I have. 4 hours a day! When I further reflect upon how I spend that free time, I am slightly horrified. 

Since we're in the spirit of pie charts... 

Numbers represent the amount of time in minutes

So, yes. There goes my excuse on not having any time to exercise. You should probably work out how much free time you have in a day. That's right... have a go at creating your own pie chart here. Now that you've done that, and proven/disproven the point I'm trying to drive here... you can decide if you would like to read on/close this window. (Major disclaimer: I am unmarried, and do not have kids. As my understanding goes, when kids happen, the amount of free time you have ends up in the negative zone, so hats off to you if you do find 30 minutes every day to exercise. You truly are amazing.) 

For the rest of us, why is it so hard to find 30 minutes every day to exercise when you have an abundance of free time? I think the answer is pretty simple. Priorities. My Free Time chart says it all... I would rather spend more time dawdling on Facebook than any other brain or body-building activity. I couldn't even tell you what I do on Facebook every day. I believe I just stare at my news feed waiting for it to self-update. I solve this problem of life-stalling by exercising first thing in the morning. Before my brain activates its excuse-giving centre. It could mean that you might have to wake up earlier. I did, and have been ever since I started this blog.

I also have a yardstick to decide if I do have enough time to exercise. I ask myself... do I have time to game/reddit/facebook? And the answer, almost all of the time is... yes. In fact, I am probably gaming/redditing/facebooking when I ask myself that question. If you have time to do all of that, you have time to exercise. Believe it or not... I use that yardstick in almost any situation... including if I should call in sick at work. Am I too sick to play Diablo? No... ok, off to work I go. 

Still unmotivated? That's partly the reason. You're unmotivated because you'd rather be doing something else (which brings us back to Priorities. See the nasty neverending circle?). What you need is a fitness-oriented community. Tribesports is a pretty good start, in fact it will suit most Facebook junkies because it functions on a similar platform. You know how they say it's harder to quit smoking when all your friends are smokers? It's harder to get fit when all your friends are making excuses with you (or worse, for you). I also have my regular Facebook news feed bombarded with motivational posts by Lorna Jane. Looking at their super fit models wearing super hot exercise gear gets me off my bum every time.

Find your niche sport. If you can't bear the thought of going for a run, try something else. There are so many sports out there... I've tried horse riding, swimming, wind surfing, snowboarding, yoga, pilates, zumba, and I was a school athlete. Nothing clicked with me as much as yoga did. I just kept wanting to go back, and learn more, and do more. I looked up bigger challenges on my own outside classes... you know you've met your sport when you want to do it every day, no carrots dangled.

Tell the world about your new fitness goals. It helps you keep them. I recently blogged about my new Spring Fitness program, and you may have noticed a new This Week's Workout panel on the right. Having a fitness program planned publicly made me more motivated to keep to it, and I did. You may have noticed that I haven't got anything scheduled on Saturdays or Sundays... I'm normally travelling between homes on weekends, I know it sounds like an excuse, but I try to squeeze in exercise when I can, it just happens in addition to my planned exercise.

Happy challenge-ing people! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I will keep to my fitness regime up all year long.

Review: The Rushing Woman's Syndrome

I have a habit of rushing through life and wanted to slow things down. I tried meditation, supplements, deep breathing... when I heard about this book through a women's magazine, I thought it sounded like something I could benefit from. 

Dr Libby Weaver has a phD in health science, majoring in nutrition. So, a lot of what this book is about is about the stress hormone, cortisol, and its effect on weight gain. While I haven't read her first book, Accidentally Overweight, which is a bestseller, I do believe that this is in most ways, its sequel. 

While there are a lot of things in this book that I agree with, most of which should be practised anyway, such as chewing your food slowly, reducing your caffeine and alcohol intake, not over exercising, etc, she does occasionally make some slightly weird assumptions, like Rushing Women (a term that she coined) have more masculine qualities. To sit and deep breathe is apparently a feminine quality... to be competitive at work is a masculine quality. In some ways, this takes me back to that Elephant Journal article that I was griping about. What are the defining qualities of feminity and masculinity? 

Another unsupported claim she makes is that Rushing Women tend to have daddy issues. It would have been nice to have seen some evidence, but it looked as if she made it just purely on her observations of her clients and her own personal experience. 

She includes a lot of snippets for magazines that she had written over the years. A lot of it repeats itself, so I felt the book could have been condensed to half its size. There are some practical advice at the end, although not much of it were things I didn't already know. 

In a nutshell this is more of a book for weight loss, rather than to slow yourself down. Buy this if you're wondering why you are not losing that extra pound, but don't buy this if you think it will help ground you more. 

To purchase: I have not seen this book stocked at my local bookstore because it has been independently published. I purchased mine off her official website, it's AUD$29.95 before postage.