Thursday, March 17, 2016

Finding Myself (and maybe Nemo)

It has been a while.

I guess you could call a period of time just under 2 years a while. Time is subjective after all, and to be honest, it only felt like yesterday that I had written my last post.

Sometime between this distant yesterday and today, it has felt like so many things, and yet nothing, has eventuated. If I try very hard to remember, I can recall turbulent times when my body felt its worst, when I was physically and mentally exhausted. There were happy times too, and times when I began doubting every decision I had made in the last 2 years. Was it the right choice to give up music teaching, knowing that I am good at it? Was it prudent to begin a brand new career path in a completely different industry, unsure of my own capabilities?

I guess in the end it doesn't matter, because I am here right now. When I stopped writing, I stopped doing many things. Running, yoga... it was partly because I was busy, partly because I had injured myself from running yet again. Then, the excuses started to build, and once the habits were lost, I couldn't get them back. All the questions I had about myself wouldn't leave so I chose to abandon myself.

I'm not sure when I changed my mind, but it was a thing that just happened. When I was a little girl, I would throw up every single night. No reason... it happened without fail, every night, for a few months. Then, one day, I walked up to my mom and said "Mom, I'm not going to throw up anymore." And I didn't. Ah, the mysteries of the human spirit!

In the same mystic fashion, I suddenly decided that I was going to begin rebuilding other aspects of my life again. I had begun the career that I was gunning for, but other parts of my life were still derelict with neglect. At first, it was a pledge to begin playing in a community orchestra... to honour my original intentions of swapping careers, which I had told myself was so that I could play more. I think I surprised myself when I began pulling through with this promise... I am possibly the laziest violinist I know. Then, began the yoga.

I owe my restored passion for yoga to Gretchen Rubin's book on habits, Better Than Before. When I began reading the book, I began to yoga once more. I remembered how amazing it felt at the end, how serene life is when you bow down at the end. And so, I started an almost-daily habit - wiser, stiffer, and humbler than before.

I believe there is a transition period in everyone's life when you grow from being a young adult into the next phase of adulthood. I think that was what the past couple of years was for me, discovering my edges and most importantly, learning the art of letting go.

Till the next time fellow spiritual warriors, whenever that may be.

4 comments:

  1. You have NO IDEA how thrilled I am to "see" you again - I did worry about you in your absence as I had no idea whether you were OK. Your RUOK post is still one of my most treasured items. "Mystic" definitely defines you, in my opinion! Your writing has such an honesty about it and it reaches out much further than I imagine you think it could. It really is so lovely to know you're OK - better than OK and that you've begun the next stage of your life. Take care and be kind to yourself.
    All the very best.
    Trish_D.

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    1. So lovely to hear from you Trish! Yes, it has been an occasionally turbulent two years, but I am back.
      Thank you for your lovely words and concern. I really do believe that for us to grow, we may need to take a few steps backwards. Hopefully Hui 2.0 has more tenacity than before :)

      Hope you are well too Trish! xx

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  2. Welcome back, Hui. Good to read you again. :)

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