Back on topic. I just read an article on Marie Claire that said 55% of Australians do not want to get married. The article questions if marriage is still relevant (in fact that is the title of the article, fancy that!). This is a topic close to my own heart because I recently had the following conversation with a family member (no points for guessing which family member it probably is).
Mystery Family Member: So, has The BF indicated his intentions to you?
Me: Whatever on earth do you mean?
MFM: Well, his plans for the future... settling down...
Me: I don't know, we've joked about it sometimes but that's about it...
MFM: How long have you guys been together?
Me: Two years and a bit... why?
MFM: You know, I read somewhere (dramatic pause)... that if the man hasn't proposed after one year, he will probably not propose ever...
I was half tempted to send that article link to her when I read it, because I always get slightly miffed when someone just assumes that your life's greatest goal is to get hitched. Anyway, personal predicaments aside, I just thought this would be an interesting can of worms to open.
Couples are getting married much later into courtship. Some after 5 years, others 10 years even. Some couples, potentially most couples, may never ever meet a celebrant. The marriage scene has changed quite a bit though... culturally with increasing divorce rates marring the sanctity of marriage (only 33% in Australia in 2002 according to the ABS, but still pretty high), society tending towards more liberated religious views, and the fact that legally, you could have the same rights as a married couple just by living together for 6 months.
So, where is the incentive to get married then?
I'm not an Insitution of Marriage basher... I would like to get married. Some day. Definitely not right now when I'm trying to get my finances in check, and not just after 2 years. And call me crazy, but I still feel like I'm too young. I feel like I'm too young to start a family. Maybe in the next 5 years or so, but definitely not now. And aside from the encounter with MFM, I really haven't felt any pressure. Sure, some Facebook photos and updates have popped up about white dresses and little bubs, but for the most part, most of my friends remain unmarried.
What do you think? If you're happily married (and have been so for awhile), would you do it again?
This question just brings to mind a conversation my high school teacher had with her daughter while we were out for coffee. She said that if she could do it all over again, she would never get married. Anddd conversation at the table immediately got slightly awkward for the poor student at the table...
If you're single/in a domestic partnership, do you want to get married? Or is marriage something you're writing off the cards?
/edit Just read this post by Whitney, and it echoes everything I want to say.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, we bought a house together just over a year ago and marriage is not anywhere on our horizon.
ReplyDeleteWe're practically married anyway, and if I had the money for a wedding I would much rather spend it on renovations/additions on the house.
We're currently saving for a house too, I think priorities have just shifted over time, and there just isn't any good reason to get married anymore, other than for the sake of tradition.
DeleteI have been with my boyfriend since high school, we now live together 4 years later. I am turning 20 next month, there's no way I'm getting married anytime soon!
ReplyDeleteWow you're so young Mishelle! A couple of friends I know apparently have been together since high school like you and they only just got hitched. :)
DeleteI can guess who MFM is/was!
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly with you, I'm nowhere near ready to get married as yet. I also think that it's better to postpone marriage and be very certain of who you are ending up with, than rushing into it only to repent at leisure.
xx
I think you're so right about rushing into it... I always believe that it's way better to not get married than to have an unhappy marriage. :) And no points for guessing hehe!
DeleteThis was a really interesting post! I don't really see the need to get married, but each to their own. Whatever makes you happy at the end of the day lol :)
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe in "to each their own" but it's soooo annoying when others place their values on you.
DeleteThis is an interesting one. Marriage only enters into my scope when I am with someone I know I want to marry and be with rather than marrying for the sake of marrying, which seems like what Mysterious Family Member is implying. When you're ready, you know and your partner knows, it's just one of those things like how you know you love each other. Age is a normally a big factor though. I've always thought marriage was a bit ew, but not anymore. Am I getting old... or just happy with the bf? ;)
ReplyDeleteLol when I was 12, I made a vow to never get married... :P I think I told a friend I'd pay her $10k if I ever did... hopefully she doesn't remember it!! But yes, totally see your point, you'll just know when it's time to progress to the next step I guess!
DeleteI have been with my bf for three and a bit years. We are still very young and although we love each other very much, we are definitely not ready to get married! I think I would only want to get married when I start a family...which wont be until my career has settled and can financially support it! Otherwise I don't see a point.
ReplyDeleteOh and I want to keep my last name too! haha
If I get married I'm keeping my last name too! :P Purely because I like how my name sounds now. I have a similar view about getting married only when I would like to start a family, which won't be for awhile!
DeleteI've been with my partner for 14 years and we have absolutely no intention of marrying! For us neither of us are religious, neither of us wish to do something just for State approval, we don't have or want kids, and I totally reject the patriarchy of the whole shbang! However, if others want to marry that's fine for them! Fortunately, I've now gone past the age when people feel the need to ask if/when I'm going to marry and have kids! I guess for yourself you just need to politely be firm with friends and family and do, or don't do, what is right for you, at the right time!
ReplyDeleteI think society has slowly progressed away from the traditional patriachy form of marriage, with women keeping their surnames, taking on the prefix of Ms instead of Mrs, and having both surnames for children.
DeleteBut I can understand why you wouldn't want to get married, it sort of implies that a piece of paper validates your love. While I am firm with friends and family who are stickybeaks, I just can't help feeling annoyed!